Savana wrote this at age 10 for an Anthology Contest. The theme was “The Future”. It was published, but never shared. Sometimes we forget how it all looks through a sibling’s eyes. A lot of things have gotten better, (Sofie was potty trained fully about 2 years ago) some things have gotten worse. But what has not changed is the love she has for Sofie.
Do You Ever Wonder
By Savana Schraeder
11/7/08
Do you ever wonder what the future holds? I wonder all the time. My sister, Sofie, was diagnosed with PDDNOS two years ago. That means she is on the Autism Spectrum. Those two years have been very emotional years. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve been through tough times, and I wouldn’t change a thing. There have been days where we want to ring her neck, exhibit A: Sofie sees a McDonald’s sign and starts screaming chicken nuggets and won’t stop until you pull over to the drive through. Exhibit B: Sofie goes out the emergency exit door at McDonald’s causing the alarm to go off. Children were crying, parents were looking, and Sofie was laughing. Then there have been days where she’s sitting around looking so cute and I think to myself {I couldn’t have asked for a better sister.} Sofie is six years old. She was diagnosed with PDDNOS when she was only four years old. She is in her second year of kindergarten. Every morning we hope and pray that she will fly out of bed and come downstairs with a smile on her face and no spectrum. But, we know that’s never going to happen. I am usually the one who thinks that. Mom asks me, “If Sofie didn’t have autism our life would be pretty boring wouldn’t it?” We do all that we can for her with proper medications, special teachers and therapists. We even buy her special materials. But even that’s not enough. Sometimes all you need is support, guidance and empathy. Those things can fill you up in a heartbeat. Those are the things we give her every day of her life. Every body she sees thinks she’s normal. But, eventually we have to tell them, when necessary that she’s not. She’s in her own little world 24-7. She makes everyone she sees smile. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks. She is always happy and brings joy to others with her infectious smile. On my gloomiest days Sofie can turn my mood around in a heartbeat. I guess you could say she is our inspiration, our momentum, our influence. Sometimes when you have something to share or tell something you just can’t wait can you? Well, that’s kind of how it is with hopes and dreams. You have to tell somebody right? Otherwise you lose your train of thought. Now with Sofie it is a little different. She doesn’t know how to process it all. So you wonder too what is going on in her head? Nobody knows. Sofie doesn’t have any hopes or dreams or goals in life that we know of. She focuses on the present and what is happening now. Like, what is for lunch, what is on TV at night or is Daddy coming home. We are the ones left to wonder while she lives in today. When I watch her a lot of questions come to mind. Will she go to prom? Will she graduate high school? Will she go to college? My Mom just asks will she ever get potty trained. We ask all these questions, but will we ever know. We will only know when the time comes. Don’t get me wrong, Sofie is succeeding. Each day is another step and we make sure we celebrate small victories. Like when she speaks a full sentence, or recognizes a letter. Those small steps are big for Sofie. They are big for all of us. I read a quote the other day and it said, “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all”. I love that saying because it shows that no matter what, we still are a family. That is how it is in our life. Life throws us twists and turns when we least expect it. We make it through by helping each other out with everything like homework, chores, cooking dinner, and so many other things I can’t list. We never know what the next day will bring. We can’t tell our future. Come to think of it, nobody can. We may make plans or have something mapped out, but maybe we should live in the moment like Sofie. All she has is this moment and she likes to make the best out of every chance she’s got. The point I’m trying to make is live your life this moment and let God take care of the rest. We know He will for Sofie. In the meantime I will wonder, hope and dream for her. This is now. Savana is turning 16 next month and Sofie will be 12 in June. Today is Autism Awareness Day. Savana baked blue sprinkle cookies to entice her friends to wear blue. She tweeted, texted and Facebooked it out. Sofie saw the cookies and in her sweetest Sofie voice said “ Can I have 2 cookies cuz I have Autism?” She spoke so clearly, we just started laughing. Then I said, “I must get at least a dozen since I am the Mom of a child with Autism.” But the truth is, who needs cookies when you have times like this. Like Savana wrote above, we just live in the moment. 
Savana is wise beyond her years. These girls are not only an incredible blessing to each other – but to the world around them that will learn a little more about compassion and love.
Beautiful writing, Savanna! How lucky Sophie is to have you for a sister! You are going to become a very special woman who will change the world. And I will be proud to say I sort of knew you!!